Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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