Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
