My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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