You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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