i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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