it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
