I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
