uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize