The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
