I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
