It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
