we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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