I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
