Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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