i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
