I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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