It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just high enough for therapy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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