If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
