That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
