dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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