if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
