Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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