that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
