I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize