I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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