She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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