Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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