Princesses don't give blow jobs
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize