I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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