Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
