i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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