OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
