so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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