fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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