I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
