Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
