I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
