are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
