Barsexuality is the new black.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize