Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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