Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
