he told me I talked like a deaf person
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
