found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
