the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
