Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
