did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
