I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Randomize
