wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
