my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
