after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
