my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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