So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize