Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
