That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
