My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
