i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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