4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
