I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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