I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
