Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
