im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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