There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
