addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
