Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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