Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
