Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
