I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize