Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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