How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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