I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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