What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
