so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize