omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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