Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
