Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
