you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
